Shit, Shower and Shave

I thought that today I'd take a shower, since I didn't take one yesterday, and because I hadn't washed my hair since Monday. But strangely, today was one of those days where I didn't take my normal poop after drinking my coffee in the morning. This is always worrysome to me because pooping before showering allows for a tidy and clean butthole!
When I realized I was getting into the shower and I hadn't pooped yet I knew what was to going to happen and there were three ways of dealing with it.

1. Get out of the shower, soaking wet and just sit down and pinch a loaf. This provides for a cold and wet experience and then you have to wipe the seat when you're done. (well you don't HAVE to.)

2. Get out of shower and dry off just to sit down and pinch a loaf and get right back in the shower? This option leaves you with a wet towel when you want to get out of the shower, for real!

3. Or wait until you're done in the shower so you only have to dry off once and avoid a cold, wet experience and a wet seat.

Number 3 probably sounds like the most logical but then you have a dirty butthole! So I obviously didn't choose that one. I chose number 1 and I didn't wipe the seat! Yeah! It was a good one, in case you were wondering.

PS. I half-assed shaved my legs which means I just used a bar of soap. When I use a bar of soap, my leg hair grows back even faster and thicker. I have a nickname at work called "Beardy Legs" and it's important that I live up to it!